Control Freak
Dear Beloved,
If you know anything about me, you know I the type of person that will always assume control. I always find myself taking over a small group in class or speaking on behalf of my friends at Subway when they aren't talking loud enough. People are always asking me how I'm able to take over without a second thought, but it's not as glorious as it seems.
You see, the need for control doesn't stop there. I shut down when something is out of my control. I shake and cry when something doesn't turn out the way I envisioned it. This may come as a surprise to some of my peers, but I don't like being in control. I don't the way I feel when I take charge. Something takes over my body and I act very relentless and (for lack of a better word) dictator-like towards my friends, family, and mostly strangers.
This is something that I've been noticing more and more in myself these past few months. I was desperate for answers or a way to control my need for control, so I did what any Christian (hopefully) would do, and I turned to my Bible.
The very first thing that I realized was that I don't have control issues. I have trust issues. I have an issue with trusting God to be in control of my life, so I think I have to. When really, I'm a spinning image of a clown running around like a headless chicken playing god.
Pretending like I actually have the wheel when in reality, I'm like a three-year-old sitting on my dad's lap while he's the one driving. The thing with that is the more I try to take control, the harder it is for God to, and the bumpier the ride is. Proverbs 3: 5-6 says, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight." What if we would just surrender and let God be in control? Can you imagine how much easier it would be?
Now don't go and get excited about not having to do anything. The first part of John 5:30 says "By myself, I can do nothing I can do nothing." And that was Jesus talking. As much as we have to surrender our struggles and hardships, we still have to pray, read our Bible, and have an active relationship with God. If we don't then there will be no one to drive this car.
These past few weeks, I've been approaching everything with a different mindset and I hope that you do too. "He must become greater; I must become less." (John 3:30)
